Stories, stories and more stories

Stories and more stories – mythologies, stories of real life adventures, short stories by great authors – all of these were lovingly told to my brother and I when we were children. And we eagerly absorbed them. What we did not realise at that time was that each and every one of these stories that my parents told us invariably had a value or moral attached to it. And slowly but steadily these values built our character.

My dad focused more on stories of great courage - both physical and mental- stories of endurance, stories of the triumph of human spirit against unbelievable odds. He also loved to tell stories plucked from the pages of biographies of great people- stories that reinforced the inner strengths and humility of these persons.

I still remember listening open mouthed when he told us the story of the crossing of the Gobi desert, the story of George Washington, the story of Napoleon etc.

He taught me the lines Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.

My mom would tell us stories from Hindu mythology. Stories of kings and gods and demigod each with its own learning. But more importantly, stories which were so vivid in their imagination that they triggered off our (my brother and I ) first interest in books.

Thus between the two of them, my parents delivered some fundamental values to us over many wide eyed story sessions. Looking back now, i believe the most well trained child psychologist could not have faulted my parents for the content, the medium or the delivery method for these values.

Apart from instilling values such as courage, honesty, integrity and respect for elders, the other very important value that was instilled in us was that of equality. I learned from my parents that all men are born equal. Cast, creed, colour, religion, economic strata, etc. did not matter. What mattered is the person.

My dad also insisted that we study in government schools in Malayalam medium to be more rooted to the real India. So we ended up studying in some really interesting schools – the type of schools most families of our background would not have dreamt of sending their children to. In the schools I studied in, I had to sit on the floor in at least 3 of the 10 years. Each class had an average of 55-60 students, most of the schools had no uniform, since the students could not afford them, and I knew better English than my English teachers. In the 10^th standard public exam, there were close to 400 students from my school who appeared for the test. Only around 80 passed. There were only about 20 who got 60% and above. So I can safely say that in terms of academics, I did not learn too much in these schools. But in terms of real education, the founding these years gave me – understanding the true India, learning to adjust with people from all walks of life, i could not have asked for a better learning ground.

So how did I manage to pick up some English? I believe i learned my English thru reading the works of the best 3 possible authors. Enid Blyton to start with, then PG Wodehouse and finally William Shakespeare. I don’t think reading any other author could give a better foundation in the queen’s English than Enid Blyton. My parents made sure we have plenty of Enid Blyton to read. All the ‘famous fives’, ‘secret sevens’, ‘five findouters’ etc. Apart from laying the foundation for English language skills, these books also evoked the strongest love for adventure and of course love for voracious reading.

My dad used to translate PG Wodehouse stories and Sherlock Holmes stories to us when we were kids, So from Enid Blyton, the next logical step was to start reading Wodehouse. What a treat. What amazing language. And what an incredible sense of humour. If everyone we know reads a few volumes of PGW, the world would be full of people who do not take themselves too seriously. We would have less zealots and terrorists.

I stumbled on Shakespeare by the most amazing bit of serendipity- again thanks to my dad. We were discussing the great speeches made by famous people and he told me about Mark Antony’s speech in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. We immediately took down the “complete works of William Shakespeare” from the shelf and went thru the speech. It fascinated me so much, I decided to read the whole play. So there I was, 13 year old, who had never conversed in English, studying in Malayalam medium, where the teachers taught that a ‘rocking horse’ is a small rock carved horse, wading thru the unabridged works of Shakespeare. It was tough. But I persisted. Each time I read a line, new meanings were revealed. I went on to read a lot of other plays as well.

Thus parents were a funnel – maybe an inverted one – to further strengthen the values which my grandparents stressed on. That of integrity, honesty, compassion for the poor, equality, respect for elders, responsibility etc. And also, the stress on continuous learning.

On Mother's Day, a tribute to the Stronger Sex

When I was 11, I wrote a poem about my mother. I guess it would be appropriate to share it on this day..

My constant companion in joy and misery alike,
Always soothing, loving, gentle, understanding.
Caring for me with all her heart.

She is always there rejoicing in my joy,
Soothing me when I am sad.

As a child when I became sad, I would hide my feelings and lock them in my heart.
Then she would be there, a gentle word, a soothing touch, always understanding and giving me joy.

Ye, she is my mother, comforting me and lifting me to heaven from gloom unknown.
She would know my feelings of which I know naught,
Always caring gentle loving comforting

I would be rude when she is close,
A lamp whose value I know not when in hand.
When she is away, in darkness do I grope
For the love given by her gentle heart

I know she is with me and shall always be, sharing both joy and misery with me.
My dear mother, my darling most loving friend I ever had.

My mom still treasures this poem. She has locked this up in her locker and every once in a while she takes it out and reads it.

Today after all these years, I have realised just how true each of these words are. My Amma is possibly the sweetest and gentlest person I have met. (and i am sure the world is full of people who would say that about their mothers). The one person who unstintingly pours out love, irrespective of the situation with absolutely no expectation in return-that is Mother.

Most times, we do not understand the huge intrinsic strengths that women have. We take their gentleness and their flexibility for weakness. It took me many years into my adulthood to realise that I had been so completely mistaken in believing that my mother played second fiddle in my Parents’ relationship. Sure, my dad is usually adamant and unyielding. He gets his way most of the time. But her very flexibility and ability to adjust is her strength. My father would not survive without the support of that gentle strength.

So on this day, called Mothers day, (Mother being the most important and ‘purest’ role a woman plays among the many critical roles she plays) I would like to pay a few tributes to the gentler sex.

I have the highest respect for women. Many ancient civilised societies were matriarchal. I am sure the very empowerment of women ensured proper law and order and an overall higher quality of life. The biggest change that happened when small bands of hunter gatherers settled down to become farming tribes was the higher status in which they placed women.
Even today, societies which empower women and give them the respect they deserve are the progressive and progressing societies.

With their amazingly thicker Corpus-Callosum (the bundle of nerves that connect the left brain to the right brain) as compared to men, I am sure women would continue to dominate in intuition, common sense and overall grasp of complex situations.

Let me, as a genuine admirer of the fairer sex, take my hats off to womanhood – Mother, wife, daughter, friend and LEADER.

The Indian Middle Class Values

My great grandmother on my mother’s side was a Namboothiri’s (a Malayali Brahmin) “sambantham’ – girlfriend. She had 7 children from him. I believe he was so rich he used to bring hollowed out ivory tusks filled with gold coins home to her.
But when he died, his legitimate children came and took away all the wealth.

On my Dad’s side, my great grandfather (grandfather’s father) was a government servant appointed by his highness of Kochi state.

Two people who shaped my character more than anyone else (apart from my parents) were my two grandfathers. Kumarankutty Menon was my father’s father, a man with the highest level of integrity, sincerity, energy, focus and drive. Throughout his life, i have seen him stand up to injustice. He was fearless, a bit of a rebel, an early innovator for anything and impeccable in his integrity.

He left Kerala for Benares when he was a teenager to do his undergraduation in engineering at Benares Hindu University. The stories of how he made his way there without knowing a word of Hindi, how when he reached there he was told that there was some confusion in the admission and he had to go back, how he stayed on and eventually cleared up the issue are all now part of family legend.

He used to tell us stories of how cholera, typhoid and small pox killed many members of his family when he was a child. This, inspite of the fact that being from a reasonably well off family, life must have been easier on him than on most others. I find it amazing, used as i am to modern medicines and vaccinations to think that 50% of the family died before the age of 20.

What were the values I learned from my grandfather?
• First and foremost – integrity. He retired at a senior level in the government- as a chief engineer in the Kerala State Electricity Board. At a time when a government officer of that level could just about command anything and was almost like a ruler of a fiefdom, he managed to keep his humility intact. He would not misuse any government property or perks ever for personal use. He was totally incorruptible and the respect he carried for this was enormous.
• Energy and drive – it is believed that in India, government officers have limited abilities to move things. The bureaucracy is just too slow and cumbersome. But KK Menon refused to believe this. Dressed in his smart shorts, T shirt and British style cap, he would be leading his team from the front. The 100% rural electrification achieved by Kerala state way ahead of any other states in the country could partly be attributed to the efforts and energy of this small dynamite of pure will power.
• Ownership and responsibility- He never shirked a responsibility. Ever. Whether at work or in his personal dealings, he always stretched and took ownership.
• Willpower and focus – KK Menon never gave up in life. He faced many health challenges in his 90 year life span- Cholera, Diabetes, slipped disc and even a mild heart attack. He not only never gave up, he attacked each of them in his usual methodical focused fashion and he conquered each of them. You could actually say of him – danger knew full well that KKM is more dangerous than he !!!

And then there was his opposite pole – VS Panikker. Slow to action, high on intelligence, a repository of vast amount of knowledge. My maternal grandfather. My memory of him- wearing his Mundu, bare-chested, slowly devouring one book after another. For him, any knowledge, however trivial or eclectic was welcome. From science to Vedanta, history to geography all went into that brain.
Financially he was not as well off as Kumaran Kutty Menon. But the one thing he did not compromise on was his children’s education. My uncle, Dr. V Balakrishnan is a shining example of this uncompromising focus. My grandfather ensured he put my uncle thru his course in medicine. From there, he went on to get his MD and then his DM. One of the first to attain this level of educational qualification in Kerala.

What he passed on to me was an undying thirst for knowledge. Knowledge of any kind. I still see this thirst in my uncle, Dr. Balakrishnan. I hope this thirst is never quenched in me.

In a nutshell, the middle class values I acquired were the gift of my grandparents. Strengthened further and delivered to me thru my parents. And I can tell you, delivered to me and my brother with the utmost efficiency and amplification. Strengthening the lessons thru personal examples and other delivery methods, which would leave indelible and deep impressions in my psyche.

The one common value which was strongly embraced by both my sets of grandparents was the huge importance they gave for education. This was one very visible phase of the evolution of middle class India. And possibly what laid the foundation for the knowledge based economy that India is evolving into many generations later today. The middle class knew that education was an important path towards upward mobility. And they focused on it. Ensuring a college education for all the children became a must for parents.

India was also going thru the first flush of independence. The country embraced Nehruvian socialism. It was the time when large government owned public sector institutions came into being. Working for the government was prestigious. It was also the way to fast tracking in the new feudal order- the feudal system of government bureaucracy.